Feeder

You feed my self-pity,

Self-doubt, self-hate,

Too readily,

Your eagerness to complete my weakness,

To validate my pain, to embrace the hurt in my soul,

Without question, without challenge,

With a banality that leaves me starving,

Yearning for a brighter sunrise,

That seldom comes.

 

You smile reassuringly,

So kind and generous to my plight,

Knowing to challenge this pain I’d put up a fight,

A fight to be locked tight,

Into these emotions,

As I curl deeper inside my shell of security,

Secure in the knowledge things won’t change,

Because they never do, and you agree,

You agree with me; I die a little more.

 

It’s safer to hide and close off and cry,

And I can validate my pain without your help,

There’s no light at the end of your benevolence,

Your well-meaning words or your wet shoulder,

They say only what I want to hear,

Nothing new, nothing else, nothing more,

I need my bright sunrise,

My light at the end of the tunnel,

Feed my fire and we can warm to it in time.

 

I’m stubborn in my madness,

This ingrained set of beliefs,

Some bought, some borrowed, some wasted on me,

These obstacles I lay out before myself,

What if?

But.

If only…

But.

I can’t.

I Won’t.

 

 

Why not?

How about…

I can and I will.

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